I'm looking for some ideas of what to do about a bad experience with an in-home daycare. My son (2 1/2) was in a daycare for a year and a half, and we were told last week, without any warning, to find a new daycare.

To make a long story short, the daycare provider says that my son's recent behaviour is too much for her to handle. For a month or two now he's going through an aggressive and very active phase, hitting, pushing, throwing toys, etc. It is a very frustrating phase, but it is just that, a phase, and a very normal part of many children's development. He's not malicious or mean, and he has never actually hurt anyone. After a year and a half with him, she should know that he's a good kid who needs to be guided through a difficult stage.

I think the problem is that she is overwhelmed with the number of kids she has, two infants and four toddlers, including her daughter who is autistic. I think because she has taken on more kids than she can handle, and gives her own daughter a lot of special attention, she hasn't been able to give enough attention to all the other kids in order to observe and prevent any problems between them. And rather than work with us to figure out how to help our son through this phase, she took the easy route of giving up on him.

On top of this, her behaviour since telling us to find a new daycare has been extremely unprofessional. For example, rather than speak with me further about my son's last day at daycare, she slipped a note for me in with his artwork that gets sent home at the end of the day.

We've found a new daycare, so that part of the problem is solved. My question now is, what can I do about her unprofessional and uncaring actions, both giving up on our son without making a real effort to work through the problem, and giving us almost no notice at all to find a new daycare?

I thought about writing a review of her business to post online, but I'm not sure where I could post it. I could post it here, if Charmaine says that's OK. Does anyone know of any childcare review sites or other appropriate places for such a review?

Another avenue I want to investigate is reporting her to whatever government agency oversees home daycares (whether licensed or not), so they can determine if she is able to adequately care for the number of children she has, given their ages and her daughter's special needs.

I'd really like to do what I can to make sure others are aware of how she handled this situation if they are considering using her services, and hopefully prevent the same thing from happening to someone else's child. Whether that means she's not allowed to take on as many children, or can only take on toddlers and no infants, or that she gets the training she needs to be able to handle situations like this.

What upsets me most about this situation is that my son is completely innocent in all of this. His behaviour, while frustrating, is normal at his age. He is learning, and he will get past it. But a person he spent a large portion of his time with for the past year and a half of his life, and who we thought cared about him, now wants nothing to do with him. How do I explain that to him?

Honestly, I'd let it go. It sucks and she was unpofessional and you're feeling the heat of the moment (did she ever claim to BE a professional?). I think if you were to do anything right now it would just seem malicious.

I'm not sure there's anything positive that you can do to mend the situation (other than express your frustrations with her behaviour to her...and really, I don't think she'd really care right now). You could tell others who ask you that you weren't happy/un-impressed with your daycare provider.

Is she certified or in any way tied to an organization (sometimes the city will acknowlege certified in-home care centres and offer subsity to their programs). Unless she is, I think you can only vent.

Sorry it's been a bad experience. DS was an agressive tot and what he really needed was lots of patience and guidance (to him it made perfect sense to hit someone to say 'hi'...it took lots of rehersing and practicing more acceptable ways of initiating play). It's probably for the best that she made the change for you. Obviously she couldn't handle the situation properly, so it's probably best your DS is out of that environment. Be happy you found other care so quickly. Hopefully the change will do you both some good.