HRM Parent Blog

Three Simple Ways to Teach Manners to your Kids:

Parents may despair of ever teaching their children manners but there are ways to do so. And they are so simple and sensible!

1. Be a strong role model. Actions speak louder than words. Set a good example and think twice before you gesture rudely at the guy who cuts you off, yell at the telemarketer on the phone, or eat standing over the sink.

2. Treat your children with courtesy. Ask your kids to come to the table or take out the trash; don’t bark orders. Say please and thank you. Respect their privacy and dignity. Do not rummage through their rooms when they are not home. Do not embarrass them in public but instead take them aside for correction.

3. Be clear and consistent about your etiquette expectations. Make sure your children know the correct way to behave in public and understand the rules. For example, teach them how to make introductions and rehearse good table manners. Familiarity breeds success.

Top 10 Most Important Manners According to Parents

Parents want their children to shine when they interact with others. According to a number of surveys, they say they most want their kids to:

1. Always say “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.”
2. Write thank you notes for gifts.
3. Look people in the eye when speaking to them.
4. Pick up clothes left on the floor; put dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
5. Wait their turn to speak rather than interrupt.
6. Use proper table manners.
7. Be thoughtful and considerate of others – especially about opening doors and offering seats to older people.
8. Listen when others speak and respond clearly when spoken to.
9. Respect the privacy and property of others
10. Have good phone manners.

None of the above is impossible to achieve and all are traits and practices that will stand your children in good stead when they are adults, too. With just a little persistence and role modeling, your kids will make you and themselves proud!

Special thanks to the folks at Sport Nova Scotia for this great article on making sure your kids have a "balanced diet" approach to sports.

Human beings develop at a gradual rate, and their sporting path should be no different. No one would expect an eight-year-old to memorize Hamlet or drive a car; neither should he be playing a hockey schedule worthy of an NHL prospect.

The Canadian Sport Centres’ Long-Term Athlete Development strategy identifies seven stages of an athlete’s growth, each with its own appropriate level of focus and competition.

Active Start (ages 0-6) Young children need a healthy dose of unstructured physical play for at least an hour a day, with 30-60 minutes of more organized activities. Unless they’re asleep, toddlers and pre-schoolers shouldn’t be sitting still for more than 60 minutes at a time.

FUNdamentals (ages 5-9) Children at this age are learning the ABCs of athleticism: agility, balance, coordination, and speed. It’s a time to focus on basic skills like running, jumping and throwing. Kids can participate in a favourite sport once or twice a week, but they should be trying many other sports three to four times a week to give them a healthy balance.

Learning to Train (ages 8-12) This is one of the most important stages of a child’s motor development, and one where they’re too often pushed into specialization at the expense of developing fundamentals. These youth can narrow their focus to three sports, but they should be spending more time training than competing (a 70:30 ratio). It’s also vital to have plenty of unstructured play… free of strict rules and competitive pressure.

Training to Train (ages 11-16) At this age, young athletes build an aerobic base and develop speed and strength, so it’s still important to focus on the basics. These youth may pare down to two sports and learn to cope with the physical and mental challenges of competition, but they should still train more than they compete (a 60:40 ratio).

The Canadian Sport Centres note that these two middle stages are the most crucial period that can “make or break” an athlete. Pushing youth into highly competitive, specialized arenas too early can actually hamper their development—or drive them to burnout.

Training to Compete (ages 15-23) and Training to Win (ages 18 +/-) This is the period where the serious, elite athletes begin focusing on their prime sport, with tailor-made training programs and a higher degree of competition.

Active for Life (any age) Whether an athlete has reached the peak of her field, or decided he just wants to play recreational sports, people who’ve developed a well-rounded skill set are poised to stay active for the rest of their lives. They can join pick-up leagues, volunteer as coaches or officials, or compete in Masters programs. But if they’ve moved through the other stages successfully, they’ll still see sport as something valuable—and fun.

(Adapted from Canadian Sport for Life, published by the Canadian Sport Centres.)

by guest blogger Deanna Cogdon Miller

If you’re anything like me, when you see your child’s daycare or school number pop up on your caller ID, you get a little lump in your throat. Two weeks ago, our daycare number popped up late on a Friday morning and I recognized the voice of our oldest daughter’s teacher. My first instinct was to ask if she was ok and her teacher replied that yes, she was ok but that there had been an “incident”.

Her class goes swimming most Fridays and for fun, she was trying to blow water through a pool noodle. Rather than blowing it, she sucked it in by mistake. She went completely blue, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk and according to her teacher, had panic in her eyes. The lifeguard got her out of the water and talked her through it – eventually getting a little cough out and as more came, her colour came back and she recovered fully.

From the moment I answered that phone call from daycare, our experience was nothing short of amazing.

Thank you to her amazing teachers who praised her for how great she did but knew not to make a huge a deal of it. I firmly believe that their supportive but easy going reaction is the reason she has had no problem getting back into the pool since this happened. 

Thank you to Kaitlyn – the lifeguard. As a former lifeguard, I know how scary it is when you realize you actually have to put your skills to work. She was calm, focused and praised and encouraged our daughter as she coughed. She also told the teachers to let us know we may want to get follow-up in case there was water in her lungs which could potentially be dangerous when she slept. Another lifeguard with different skills, a different level of confidence and a less calm demeanor could have meant an entirely different outcome for us. I don’t even know her, but I am ever so grateful to Kaitlyn.

Thank you to the incredibly nice nurse from 811 who did everything she could to find information for us on children who could potentially have water in their lungs. After not finding what we needed, she put me on to poison control.

Thank you to the unbelievable woman at poison control who was so supportive and because they’re located at the IWK, went and found someone in the IWK’s emergency department to find out what we should do (which ended up being to take her in).

Thank you to the IWK for having the policy that once your child has been in emerg, you can call and talk to someone for 48 hours afterwards. Her lungs were fine when we took her in on Friday and we were told to watch for signs of infection. When she developed a really high fever Saturday afternoon, we called for advice and ended up taking her back.

Thank you to our daycare for including us in the process of report-writing that has to happen after an incident like this. They were extremely supportive and wanted to make sure we were fine with all the details and everything that was submitted.

Thank you to the pool for actually calling us the next day to see how our daughter was doing. I was in shock when the woman said where she worked and why she was calling.

So the moral of the story? We have unbelievably great people in HRM and because of the skills, kindness and support of people we know and many complete strangers, I can sleep at night.

Deanna lives in Dartmouth with her husband and three children. When she's not reading stories, dancing to ABBA or burping a baby, she works in communications for Bell Aliant.

by guest blogger Katherine VanBuskirk

 I’ve got this.

Sometimes it’s easy to think that I’ve got this thing. You know? The parenting thing. I’ve done it now for seven years. I know about ear infections and rashes. I don’t darken my GP’s door unless it’s valid. I negotiate bedtimes and treats. I settle arguments and ration snacks to ensure peace. Between my own knowledge and that of my network of Mom friends, we’re covered. Thanks.

Then out of nowhere, just when I’m getting comfortable, I realize that every single day represents a new chance to be thrown under the parenting bus. It’s like being on call. Chances are it will be predictable - easy. Then you sit down at your favourite restaurant or settle into a good movie. Bam.

That’s kind of how I feel lately. G is seven. And he’s an old seven - a kid with a bright future in litigation I suspect. So these days the dynamics at our house are in flux. It became really obvious during February Break when he spent some time in NB with grandparents. Suddenly we were left with one child - a two-year-old, compliant, velcro baby named LL. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a feisty little diva. But at this stage she’s relatively easy. For example, she doesn’t have a strong opinion about what we eat, where we go, what movie we should watch, whether it is dessert night or not or how many days it’s been since she last bathed.

What I realized was that, though I joked about how nice it was to have little LL on her own for the week, the seven-year-old “opinions” are our new parenting opportunity. G isn’t being difficult when he tells us what he likes (or doesn’t), he just has preferences. And that’s okay.

That’s okay!

It’s up to us to decide which ones he get’s to weigh-in on and which ones are not up for discussion - like bathing regularly. It’s a hybrid approach - choose your battles meets UN peace talks.

So while we didn’t do a fancy vacation this February Break, I think we can say it was a success on a bunch of levels. Fun was had all over the place. G got some alone time with the grandparents and cousins, LL got some alone time with us. And I once again, got taken to school on this parenting thing.

But you know what? I remember being seven. I remember wanting to be heard. Now I have a chance to give that to G. I suspect that we’ll both be better off. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ve got this thing. At least for now.

Katherine VanBuskirk is a communications professional in Halifax. She is rarely without a latte, a list and at least one of her two children. 

A simple solution to consider - try planning a “Kid Date”.  Nope, not a play date with other kids, or a family date night (we’ll talk about that another time) - I’m talking about scheduling a special date with each of your children.   An evening visit to your local coffee shop, an afternoon at the Clay Café or hit the theatre for a movie.

Sure you may do lots as a family, or get some one-on-one time in the car on the way to hockey practice or during homework – but actually planning a special date just for you and your child will bring a whole new meaning to quality time. Letting each kid help plan their date with you, makes it all the more special. 

Just before Christmas, my husband and I planned dates with each of our daughters and it had such an impact that we promised to make it a more regular occurrence. In fact, it was only just a few days ago when our 4 year old asked me when her next date with us would be (and what sparked me to post this).  She’s already coming up with ideas of what we would do. 

We planned it on a Sunday afternoon and had a sitter come hang with our 4 year old, while we took our 2 year old on her date – the playground, a smoothie and the store for some stickers (all her ideas).  Then we brought her home to the sitter and took our 4 year old out for her date - lunch, the candy store and a trip to Woozles (her choices, of course).

It was so nice to spend some quality time with each of our children on their own, but even more importantly we realized how excited and proud each of them were to have us all to themselves for a bit.  We’re all looking forward to the next one, but I am especially excited about the tradition we’re building…cause something tells me, when I blink and they become drama-tweens who would rather spend time at the mall with their friends, we’ll cherish our dates with them even more!