HRM Parent Blog

by guest blogger, Katherine VanBuskirk

When I was thinking about what to write this week, I realized I hadn’t written a Thanksgiving post. I’m not sure why because I’m way too morbid to take much for granted.

It surprised me that I didn’t think to write about one of my favourite things - giving thanks. You see, my whole life I’ve had no choice but to stop and reflect on the lovely pleasures of life. My Mom is the kind of person who would interrupt whatever summer game was happening to call all the children over to the wild rose bushes at our cottage at least once every summer. She’s tell us to breathe deeply and soak in the sweet scent of summer and beach.

So it’s no surprise that most days at some point I find myself wrapped in warm thoughts of gratitude for this life I have somehow achieved - so far from “perfect” but perfect for me.

And like my wonderful Mom, while I marvel at the miracle of my children and all the gifts they bring me, I’m also be quite smitten with the smaller things.

So in honour of the Thanksgiving post I missed and in time for this holiday season, I give you some entries off my “happiness” list. Feel free share your own, because making a happiness list is happiness in itself.


Happiness

- A basket of clean and folded laundry
- Sweet and salty
- Freshly shampooed baby hair
- Rubbing your eyes when you have no make-up on
- That first sip of coffee in the morning
- Taking a ponytail out at the end of the day
- The perfectly topped nacho
- A good conversation
- Kindred spirits
- Tiny fingers tracing my eyes and nose and mouth
- A challenge
- Sushi
- Gift cards
- Hats
- Lunch dates
- Hugs that knock you off your feet
- Savings accounts

 

Katherine VanBuskirk is a communications professional in Halifax. She is rarely without a latte, a list and at least one of her two children.

This is, hands-down, the best recipe for chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever tried.  It’s simple and not remotely healthy, but produces “cannot possibly stop at one” cookies. It’s an old family recipe, and I could “health these up”, but I’m a believer in enjoying treats in moderation and not messing around with a good thing.

Every holiday season, we make these and wrap them up for the bus drivers, teachers, coaches, and other special people in my kids’ lives.  They’re always a hit.

Ingredients:

1 c. butter, softened, but not melted

1 c. white sugar

1 c. brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

2 tbsps cold water

2 c. flour

1 tsp soda

1 tsp salt

2 c. rolled large-flake oats (don’t use quick oats here!)

1 package semi-sweet chocolate chips

 

To prepare:  Preheat oven to 350F.  Cream butter and sugar, then add all other ingredients, mixing well by hand.  Drop cookies (8 to a sheet) onto a parchment-covered baking sheet.  Bake for about 10 minutes, or until edges turn golden.  The trick to these is to take them out when they still appear “not quite done” and let them cool on baking racks.  The recipe easily doubles if you are baking for gifts or a cookie exchange.

Enjoy, and Happy Holiday Season to you all!

 

Wendy McCallum, LLB, RHN, is passionate about providing busy parents with the tools & support they need to feed their families wholesome food, so everyone can play, learn, and feel better!  She is a mother of two terrific HRM kids, aged 7 &8.  For information and recipe ideas, visit her website.

Report cards are coming home this week. What if your son pulls his report card out of his backpack and you’re not happy. Math is lower than it should be, his teacher commented that he did not hand in all his assignments, and he got a “Needs Improvement” for effort. What should you do?  If you’re like most of us, you’ll sit down and have a little talk.

Unless you use the right language, this talk can go in one ear and out the other? When we are stressed, frustrated, tired or annoyed, we tend to use words that work against us. Often they bring about the opposite result of our intended goal.

Most of these counter-productive words occur at or near the beginning of a sentence. Words such as why, if and you can do more harm than good. 

“Why?”  is usually followed by “don’t you, can’t you, won’t you,” or “did you.” The word “why” asks for an answer, but most children do not know why they do things, they just act. In fact, for most children, this question cannot be answered. Kids will not be motivated if they feel that they are being criticized.

Leave out the “why” and change the question to a clear, precise statement such as, “I want you to be a better listener at school or I want you to hand in all your assignments.” Even if your child could answer the question, why would you want to know the answer anyway? You really just want a change to occur. Be clear about your expectations and you will achieve them more often than not. 

“If…”  In this context, the word “if” is usually followed by the word “you,” especially when it is being used as a threat. For example: “If you do that again, you’ll be sorry!” or “If you don’t get better marks on your next report card…”

“You”  is the beginning of a blaming statement and can damage a child’s self-esteem. “You’re not making me happy” or “You’re  not doing your best”.

 

Use the words, “as soon as” or “when” instead of “if”. These words are more precise and positive. Kids will not perceive them as a threat and they encourage you to stay rational. Tie your child’s actions to a motivating result. “As soon as you pay more attention in class, the sooner your grades will improve.”  

Try using statements that describe your own feelings and expectations. “I’m not happy about this behaviour” or “I am upset that you are not handing in all your homework.” 

As parents, it is our job to motivate our children. We can make our own lives much easier if we pay more attention to what we say and how we say it. Use encouraging language, “Let’s work together to improve your next report card.” You will probably be amazed at the results. It’s also important to remember that children do not aim to disappoint their parents so if you’ve tried encouraging language, assisting with homework, working with the teacher and things haven’t changed, it may be time to look for outside help. 

Oxford Learning offers Christmas break day camps for children aged 5-10 as well as programs for children from 3 years old through university. Our goal is to give students the skills they need to be successful in school and in life. Oxford Learning has locations in Halifax, Hammonds Plains and Bedford. For more information about our programs and services, visit us at www.oxfordlearning.com

by guest blogger, Deanna Cogdon Miller

The past month has been incredibly emotional.

It started with the offer of a new job within my company and in order to take it, I had to cut my maternity leave six weeks short and head back to work on December 1^st. I knew I wanted the job but felt quite a bit of anxiety over getting our son ready and heading back when he was just ten months old (both girls were 13 months). My brain was consumed with things I needed to do to get ready, questions about how I was possibly going to be ready and thoughts of whether or not I’d ever be ready.

Then the sudden loss of a cherished loved one brought out a kind of sadness I’d never experienced before. Real, deep inside your core, gut wrenching sadness. The kind that feels like it will never go away and in a lot of ways, I don’t know if all of it ever fully will. Added to that have been feelings of helplessness about how best to support the family and the realization of just how deep and how much I love these people.

This also led to our first experience telling our five year old that a relative had passed away. I put a lot of pressure on myself to understand how best to answer her questions and how best to explain things to her. It’s never easy to see your child hurting and I wanted to be sure we were giving her the truth without overwhelming her with information.

Then, out of nowhere, we found out that we’re finalists in a national contest for $10,000. Seriously? Right now? Of course we’re excited about the opportunity but how do you mix excitement and anticipation with sadness? In order to win, we needed to rally as many people as possible to vote for us every 24 hours and because we were (and continue to be) in a very close race for first, this contest added a weird kind of ‘happy-stress’ to our lives.

Suddenly it was the end of the month and I was days from heading back into the office. Our ten month old wasn’t fully weaned, all of the plans I had in mind to prep for my return hadn’t been accomplished, we were in the throws of a ridiculous contest and my family’s grief was still top of mind. I started wrestling with my incredible excitement over our new childcare arrangement and my sadness/ jealousy about someone else being the one helping my kids with their day to day activities. Love our babysitter. Hate that it’s not me. Happy about the job. Can’t believe I’m going back early. Am I doing the right thing? Yes I’m doing the right thing. Am I sure I’m doing the right thing?

Happy, sad, anxious, excited, helpless, nervous, jealous, devastated, stressed – I don’t think my brain has ever been busier in a three week span. It’s hard to believe that I can be feeling all of these emotions and when it comes right down to it, I’m not the one directly affected by the loss, there are many people out there who don’t have jobs to go back to and really, there are tons of people experiencing much more intense emotions on a daily and weekly basis than I am. 

As I sit here reflecting on it, I find it amazing to think about everything we go through in our lives – the good, the bad, the ups, the downs - and how lunches are still made, storytime still happens, homework is done, activities are attended and kids get hugged. We really are amazing machines - the machines they call parents.

 

 

Deanna lives in Dartmouth with her husband and three children. When she's not reading stories, dancing to ABBA or burping a baby, she works in communications for Bell Aliant.

 

When I was growing up, my parents insisted my brother and I take swimming lessons every spring before our summer vacation began. In fact, we weren’t permitted to stick a toe in the water, let alone go for a full-fledged dip, before we’d spent a few months worth of Saturday mornings dutifully working on our front and back crawl. While they hoped we would develop the skills and knowledge required to be safe and feel confident in and around the water, my brother and I got much more out of our time in swimming lessons than simply learning to stay afloat. So many of our childhood memories involve us swimming in the lake at our family’s cottage or of us playing in the surf at the local beach - I can’t begin to imagine how different a person I would be today if I didn’t have those experiences growing up, if I were nervous around water or hadn’t learned to swim.

And those skills, learned so long ago, were applied again as an adult when I decided I wanted to learn to surf and scuba dive. Being a strong swimmer gave me the confidence to take to the water and give those activities a try. Swimming is a skill I feel everyone should learn at some point in their lives but don’t just take it from me…here are three great reasons your kids should learn to swim:

1.    It’s fun exercise: Swimming is an excellent way to get kids to enjoy physical fitness – the joy of splashing around in the water allows children to exercise without even knowing it. Water provides natural resistance, which will stimulate their muscles and help build strength. And since swimming involves the whole body, you can burn a great number of calories while doing it, making swimming very beneficial for kids who are struggling with their weight.

2.    It builds self esteem: There is no doubt that a child's confidence improves when they learn how to swim. Kids get the sense of achievement that comes with performing skills that once seemed impossible to them. They gain confidence in each new stroke they learn, each new skill they accomplish, each new badge they earn. Kids also apply the old adage ‘practice makes perfect’, as the skills used for swimming are primarily developed through repetition and regular practice.  

3.    It could save their life: Why is so much emphasis placed on staying safe around water? Unlike many animals that instinctively and naturally swim if suddenly dropped into the water, humans must learn how to survive in the water.  According to the International Life Saving Federation, approximately 1.2 million people around the world die by drowning every year and more than 50 percent of those victims are children. There are perhaps eight to ten times that many who experience a drowning process but who reach safety alone or are rescued by their peers, by others or by lifesavers/lifeguards. Swimming and water survival skills are not difficult to learn though and children who know how to swim can not only save themselves when in water, but are far more equipped to recognize the inherent risks associated with activities in and around water (ie: safe boating practices, safe sun protection, etc). 

Swimming produces a wide array of health and social benefits for kids. Registration is now open for Dalplex’s winter term swim lessons, which start in early January. Options exist for all ages and skill levels – from introductory lessons for pre-school aged kids to lifeguard training for teens. Dalplex even runs a Tiger Tots program to give parents the option to introduce their kids to the joys of swimming as young as 18 months.

 

Dalplex, Dalhousie University's main fitness and recreation facility, has been proudly serving the community for over 30 years, offering a wide variety of fitness, wellness and recreation programs and classes for adults, children, youth and seniors.  Visit their website or follow them on facebook.