HRM Parent Blog

Report cards are coming home this week. What if your son pulls his report card out of his backpack and you’re not happy. Math is lower than it should be, his teacher commented that he did not hand in all his assignments, and he got a “Needs Improvement” for effort. What should you do?  If you’re like most of us, you’ll sit down and have a little talk.

Unless you use the right language, this talk can go in one ear and out the other? When we are stressed, frustrated, tired or annoyed, we tend to use words that work against us. Often they bring about the opposite result of our intended goal.

Most of these counter-productive words occur at or near the beginning of a sentence. Words such as why, if and you can do more harm than good. 

“Why?”  is usually followed by “don’t you, can’t you, won’t you,” or “did you.” The word “why” asks for an answer, but most children do not know why they do things, they just act. In fact, for most children, this question cannot be answered. Kids will not be motivated if they feel that they are being criticized.

Leave out the “why” and change the question to a clear, precise statement such as, “I want you to be a better listener at school or I want you to hand in all your assignments.” Even if your child could answer the question, why would you want to know the answer anyway? You really just want a change to occur. Be clear about your expectations and you will achieve them more often than not. 

“If…”  In this context, the word “if” is usually followed by the word “you,” especially when it is being used as a threat. For example: “If you do that again, you’ll be sorry!” or “If you don’t get better marks on your next report card…”

“You”  is the beginning of a blaming statement and can damage a child’s self-esteem. “You’re not making me happy” or “You’re  not doing your best”.

Use the words, “as soon as” or “when” instead of “if”. These words are more precise and positive. Kids will not perceive them as a threat and they encourage you to stay rational. Tie your child’s actions to a motivating result. “As soon as you pay more attention in class, the sooner your grades will improve.”  

As parents, it is our job to motivate our children. We can make our own lives much easier if we pay more attention to what we say and how we say it. Use encouraging language, “Let’s work together to improve your next report card.” You will probably be amazed at the results. It’s also important to remember that children do not aim to disappoint their parents so if you’ve tried encouraging language, assisting with homework, working with the teacher and things haven’t changed, it may be time to look for outside help. 

Oxford Learning offers Christmas break day camps for children aged 5-10 as well as programs for children from 3 years old through university. Our goal is to give students the skills they need to be successful in school and in life. Oxford Learning has locations in Halifax, Hammonds Plains and Bedford. For more information about our programs and services, visit us at www.oxfordlearning.com